hero

I see her, sitting in a wheelchair all slumped over.

Do you see the lost look in her eyes? It's not my Grandma anymore.

I hate to know that she's wearing a diaper that probably hasn't been changed in a few hours. I hate that she does not know me. I hate that she cannot talk or say my name when I tell her who I am. I hate that her face is swollen and no one knows why. I hate that her clothes are dirty and her hair is long. I hate that she is gone but her body is still here. I hate that when she goes in her room and looks at the pictures I just hung, she won't realize who we are. I hate that she can't keep her eyes open. I hate that I have to leave her here again. I hate that as she sits there I wish that it would end.

I hate it all and it makes me question so many things about my faith.

Dear God;

Why is she still here? Why is she being punished when she was the one perfect, great person in my life? After 98 years of a long and healthy life, doesn't she deserve a break? Why would you keep her here when her mind has obviously left? Is it punishment for us - a way of paying us back for not being there? Is it because her son didn't always care? Is it because I didn't call enough? Is it because my family won't visit because they are too busy going through her house? Why? Why Lord? Why!?!

Just so you know, she never deserved this.



She was, is, and always will be my hero.